Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend’s ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they’d never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they’re just following the rules. What I’ve noticed, though, is that every person I’ve heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point. Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you’ve found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. It’s difficult to meet people you’re romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city’s queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.
Dating a Friend’s Ex: Is It a Good Idea?
Back in my hometown, I lived in a small arts and activism community, and everyone dated everyone. It was a cesspool of friends and lovers mixing. I distinctly remember talking to a new friend and finding out we had dated not one, not two, but three of the same guys.
Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend’s ex? Well, actually, no. It means that it’s a bad idea, but that’s not the same as “never do it.”.
Even though there are almost eight billion people in the world, it’s hard to control who you fall for, and sometimes, it can be the most inconvenient person of all: A friend’s ex. No matter how long they’ve been broken up, dating a friend’s ex can put you in a sticky situation. Your friendship could mean the world to you, but if you haven’t been able to shake the feelings you have for your friend’s ex , it might be time to have a conversation.
While you may have heard time and time again that any and all of your friend’s exes are off-limits , this rule isn’t always one-size-fits-all. The only way to know how your friend will feel is to have an open, honest conversation with them where you express your interest in their ex. You never know — perhaps they’ll be incredibly unfazed, and you can pursue their ex without a worry.
On the other hand, if they aren’t OK with the idea of you and their ex dating , you may have to consider the possible repercussions, and whether or not you’re ready to face them. If you can’t deny your desire to date your friend’s ex , it’s important to keep these four things in mind, in order to keep the situation as drama-free as possible. In a perfect world, you would be able to date your friend’s ex and keep that friend in your life forever.
But unfortunately, it may be too hard for your friend to be in your life when their ex is part of it, too. If your friend and their ex ended on good terms, that doesn’t necessarily mean your friend will be OK with your interest in their ex, Dr. Brown points out. And if the relationship ended badly — especially if there was infidelity involved — tread lightly.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Follow Us.
and the reasons why dating your friend’s ex girlfriend should be avoided as well as when is it okay to date a friend’s ex, let’s see some things.
I mean you really would love nothing better than to have them to yourself but you know you have to respect the boundaries hopefully. They belong to your friend and it would look real bad for you to make a move on that person. Fast forward and now they are no longer with your friend. They broke up for whatever reason and it turns out the attraction is mutual. You want to act on it but maybe you feel it is a violation of your friendship…Give me a break! You are two adults and neither of you are obligated to anyone.
So why not just go make it happen? Is it really wrong to date a friends ex? Who the hell made up this rule anyway? Honestly, when it comes to dating a friends ex I think it really depends on the situation.
5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Date a Friend’s Ex
A close friend, 32, dated a woman for eight months, then broke up with her. Three months later, I began dating her after hanging out with her in groups. I told my friend my intentions. Is there anything I can do to salvage our friendship? What am I not seeing? Is he a toxic bachelor?
Rules on dating a friend’s ex – Want to meet eligible single woman who share your zest for life? Indeed, for those who’ve tried and failed to find the right man.
But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock. Woman apologizing after an argument iStock. Furthermore, Dr.
Friends making a toast iStock. Beginning the discussion with your friend might be scary, at first. However, how you ask will make all the difference. According to Fabrega, once you decide to proceed in getting closer to this person, try following these tips when having the conversation with your friend:.
Friends having beers iStock. Couples Dancing And Drinking iStock. Of course, seeing your ex with a friend could be hurtful at first.
10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Decide To Date a Friend’s Ex
I always thought break-ups were simple affairs. Much better to take a practical approach: delete their number, block their social media accounts and purge their leftover belongings from your home. He was my best friend. We grew up together in Sydney and had one of those freakishly close relationships that only really develop during childhood. We shared everything: from school gossip to family problems. He was the first person I came out to, and I was his.
Sometimes dating your friend’s ex is all good, and sometime it’s really not. Ask yourself these 10 questions before you go there.
What if his real possibility of love existed with the person his best friend had just dumped? Would he then be as uptight about the rules he laid out in black ink? Would he then be as afraid to tread upon the precarious grey paths? But more on that later. Of course, I understand that rationalists shall subject my justification to a friend and supply rule but the principles of economics are far why weak to mute the voice of the heart. And what exactly is this right lace? Bad read: Is it really possible to be friends with your ex?
Gauge the sex of your lace and the friend of a potential romance. After you realize that you cannot give away your chance, you need to load out your friendship and the potential relationship on a weighing scale and see why the scale tips. Remember the golden rule: Whether or why you decide to go ahead with the ex, your friends shall change your friendship, regardless. After carefully introspecting the pros and cons of both courses of action, it is important that you understand the stakes and wager a suitable bet.
The closer you are to your friend, the higher the stakes.
7 Crucial Rules for Dating Your Friend’s Ex
Some of us do occasionally encounter difficult situations, they cause lots of stress and make us question our morality and decision-making ability. Is it bad to date a friend’s ex? What is the right decision? Well, why do we love the people we love? There are thousands of potential reasons why this can happen.
For as long as you can remember, society has rolled with this mentality and relationships have been guided by this rule. Affections have been snuffed out, crushed before blooming by this brotherhood and sisterhood code. It is considered a betrayal of trust, an awkward situation and a friendship deal breaker. But really, does it have to be like that? I have always thought that the reasons often given to justify the existence of this decapitating rule are not enough.
People who support the motion that exes should be off limit to friends say it is uncomfortable, could impact the friendship wrongly and as earlier said, it is a prime example of the cruelest types of betrayal. Of course, issues like this are usually not in absolute whites or absolute blacks. There is also the issue of residual affection between your friend and said ex.
Likewise, it is an entirely different kettle of fish if the said ex cheated on your friend and that is why they broke up. These are but few instances that look pretty shady, raise a lot of questions and each one of such situations would need to be considered as isolated events within their different contexts. It sounds logical to advise people to try and avoid these types of drama instead of getting into it.